February 28th has gone by and thank God it’s not a Leap Year; one less day to wait for the best month of the year- March! With March comes the promise of spring and the perennial rebirth of life. The silence of winter is replaced with chirping birds, vibrant colors and the sound of children playing in the street. Punxsutawney Phil can go to hell if he sees that damn shadow. After a cold and bitter winter we leave our forecasted fate up to a small mammal? Phil sucks; I say bring on global warming. Of course he’s going to see his shadow when stadium lights powerful enough to cause sunburn are brought in so a crowd of morons can ohhh and ahhh at a groundhog.
Perhaps the greatest part of March is spring training. Despite baseball’s disgusting corruption, nothing is better than seeing your favorite team trot onto the field on a hot day and bring home a victory. Nothing is better than sipping down a cool brew as the unmistakable “CRACK!” echoes throughout the crowd of onlookers. There is certainly something innocent and untainted about the game of baseball. It brings back childhood memories of my Father getting me out of school early to attend opening day. Baseball’s spirit embodies the hopes of small children walking to the park with oversized gloves. I remember oiling up my glove and stretching it out the night before I would attend a game, all in hopes of catching that coveted foul ball that would provide more joy than any corrupt wish adulthood could bring. Spring reminds me of stories my Grandma use to tell me; about the good ol’ days when Grandpa would sit out back on a warm summer night as the soothing voice of Nuxhall would wave through the thick air. Spring is purifying, no matter what age you are, going outside on that first warm day and throwing around a baseball is one of the most relaxing and heavenly feelings on Earth.
March is a schizophrenic month; while it can provide all the relaxation in the World through the form of baseball, it too can provide a bit of madness. February may be for lovers, but March is for fanatics. In what other month can you spend three straight weeks watching nothing but college basketball? The amount of exams and test I’ve failed due to March Madness is insurmountable. My education becomes severely inhibited each year during this time period and I would have it no other way. The amount of work hours spent watching the 16 seed take on Goliath could probably eject us out of depression. Yet, if you gave any man a choice between economic grace or watching Cinderella put on that glass slipper, any self respecting man would undoubtedly choose the latter. Let Miss Teen USA worry about peace, happiness and The Iraq, I want to watch 5 guys kick the shit out of Tyler Hansborough.
Along with schizophrenia comes addiction, gambling addiction. Keeping updated brackets becomes a full time job. Eating and breathing become secondhand, making sure you correctly marked Sienna taking down Kansas is essential. Even Grandma, who hasn’t watched a college game since 1952, fills out a bracket. There are varying sciences that weigh into picking winners. Some actually watch college basketball all year long and make educated guesses; and some choose teams because the school colors match their favorite purse or they have a cute mascot. Despite everything that is wrong with the latter, it’s okay because it’s March. Even children become hooked. Little Jonny can’t learn Math, but he can sure remember the starting lineup for the Memphis Tigers. I can’t remember what I did last week, but I can tell you who won the national championship my freshman year of high school. I also can’t remember my family’s birthdays but I can tell you exactly when and where I was when Kenyon Martin broke his leg, effectively ending UC’s hopes of a championship and my childhood dreams. How many times did your teacher stop teaching and turn on the first round? The Gospel according to Vitale says, “Thou shalt watch March Madness” and “Thou shalt be on cloud nine.” Who are we to argue with God?
With so much emphasis being placed on “going green” these days, more emphasis should be placed on March; after all, it allows us all to be green. St. Patrick’s Day is the greatest holiday ever, period. It started off as a Christian holiday designed to celebrate the life and death of St. Patrick, yet (for better or for worse) the whole World has taken the holiday under its wing. St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated in Ireland, America, Japan, Australia, Canada, Singapore and Russia. On March 17th, people from all walks of life can be spotted wearing green and downing a Guinness. What other day is the term “Kegs and Eggs,” acceptable? What other day is it okay to be drunk by 10 a.m.? What other day is it okay to dye your beer green and clamor about spewing horrible renditions of the Irish accent? This should be a national holiday resulting in a one day expulsion of the drinking age. We should all embrace our Irish roots (if only in spirit) and take a day to chug 16 Irish Car Bombs and clad our bodies in every green item we can find.
March is also home to the Women’s NCAA Championship. Fans can get their fill of…haha, yea right.
March is named after Mars, the Roman God of War. Mars was probably responsible for the deaths of thousands, maybe millions of people over the course of human history. But he sure did give us one hell of a month. Here’s a salute to Mars, for without him we may have ended up with a month named after Fauna, the Goddess of Fertility and we would be celebrating ovaries and eggs.
REMINDER: On March 28, between the hours of 11:30 a.m. and 3 p.m., turn your power off for at least one hour. Cities and businesses across the globe are taking part in an effort known as Earth Hour, designed to help save energy and resources.
Perhaps the greatest part of March is spring training. Despite baseball’s disgusting corruption, nothing is better than seeing your favorite team trot onto the field on a hot day and bring home a victory. Nothing is better than sipping down a cool brew as the unmistakable “CRACK!” echoes throughout the crowd of onlookers. There is certainly something innocent and untainted about the game of baseball. It brings back childhood memories of my Father getting me out of school early to attend opening day. Baseball’s spirit embodies the hopes of small children walking to the park with oversized gloves. I remember oiling up my glove and stretching it out the night before I would attend a game, all in hopes of catching that coveted foul ball that would provide more joy than any corrupt wish adulthood could bring. Spring reminds me of stories my Grandma use to tell me; about the good ol’ days when Grandpa would sit out back on a warm summer night as the soothing voice of Nuxhall would wave through the thick air. Spring is purifying, no matter what age you are, going outside on that first warm day and throwing around a baseball is one of the most relaxing and heavenly feelings on Earth.
March is a schizophrenic month; while it can provide all the relaxation in the World through the form of baseball, it too can provide a bit of madness. February may be for lovers, but March is for fanatics. In what other month can you spend three straight weeks watching nothing but college basketball? The amount of exams and test I’ve failed due to March Madness is insurmountable. My education becomes severely inhibited each year during this time period and I would have it no other way. The amount of work hours spent watching the 16 seed take on Goliath could probably eject us out of depression. Yet, if you gave any man a choice between economic grace or watching Cinderella put on that glass slipper, any self respecting man would undoubtedly choose the latter. Let Miss Teen USA worry about peace, happiness and The Iraq, I want to watch 5 guys kick the shit out of Tyler Hansborough.
Along with schizophrenia comes addiction, gambling addiction. Keeping updated brackets becomes a full time job. Eating and breathing become secondhand, making sure you correctly marked Sienna taking down Kansas is essential. Even Grandma, who hasn’t watched a college game since 1952, fills out a bracket. There are varying sciences that weigh into picking winners. Some actually watch college basketball all year long and make educated guesses; and some choose teams because the school colors match their favorite purse or they have a cute mascot. Despite everything that is wrong with the latter, it’s okay because it’s March. Even children become hooked. Little Jonny can’t learn Math, but he can sure remember the starting lineup for the Memphis Tigers. I can’t remember what I did last week, but I can tell you who won the national championship my freshman year of high school. I also can’t remember my family’s birthdays but I can tell you exactly when and where I was when Kenyon Martin broke his leg, effectively ending UC’s hopes of a championship and my childhood dreams. How many times did your teacher stop teaching and turn on the first round? The Gospel according to Vitale says, “Thou shalt watch March Madness” and “Thou shalt be on cloud nine.” Who are we to argue with God?
With so much emphasis being placed on “going green” these days, more emphasis should be placed on March; after all, it allows us all to be green. St. Patrick’s Day is the greatest holiday ever, period. It started off as a Christian holiday designed to celebrate the life and death of St. Patrick, yet (for better or for worse) the whole World has taken the holiday under its wing. St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated in Ireland, America, Japan, Australia, Canada, Singapore and Russia. On March 17th, people from all walks of life can be spotted wearing green and downing a Guinness. What other day is the term “Kegs and Eggs,” acceptable? What other day is it okay to be drunk by 10 a.m.? What other day is it okay to dye your beer green and clamor about spewing horrible renditions of the Irish accent? This should be a national holiday resulting in a one day expulsion of the drinking age. We should all embrace our Irish roots (if only in spirit) and take a day to chug 16 Irish Car Bombs and clad our bodies in every green item we can find.
March is also home to the Women’s NCAA Championship. Fans can get their fill of…haha, yea right.
March is named after Mars, the Roman God of War. Mars was probably responsible for the deaths of thousands, maybe millions of people over the course of human history. But he sure did give us one hell of a month. Here’s a salute to Mars, for without him we may have ended up with a month named after Fauna, the Goddess of Fertility and we would be celebrating ovaries and eggs.
REMINDER: On March 28, between the hours of 11:30 a.m. and 3 p.m., turn your power off for at least one hour. Cities and businesses across the globe are taking part in an effort known as Earth Hour, designed to help save energy and resources.
2 comments:
I couldn't agree with you more about some of the great things about march. The one thing I think everyone really relates to is march madness. I'm the little jonny you are writing about and I can still remember 8th grade year when I came down with the worst cold for the opening thursday and friday. I was at home jumping up and down watching as my teams won their opening round games. I can already feel the buzz for this years tournament at work. Im really thinking pittsburg looks like the team to beat this year.
It's a good thing we have all these things to fill up March, because March always sucked back in grade school and high school because it was a long month and there usually were no days off school during it. That being said, March is awesome now. Especially the tourney. Nothing can match the first Thursday and Friday of the tourney when there are literally more games than you can watch going on. Unfortunately the excitement of the tourney has been tapered in our fair city because Mick Cronin is a joke.
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